Wednesday, 20 June 2012

Dyed my hair crazy colours- had a visit from a social worker...

As part of my plan to change my self- perception for the better, and to have a little fun, I got my hair done today.

It's been over three years since I've had a haircut or colour put through. My hair was really long, really damaged, and really, really drab. I looked like one of those stressed out mothers who never look after themselves, because, well, I am one of those stressed out mothers who never look after themselves. Looking unkempt and boring doesn't do wonders for the old self- esteem.

Recently I've been trying to take better care of my appearance. We don't have a lot of money, but I've squeezed our funds a little bit in my direction for once, and bought a few new clothes. I even did some clothes swapping with friends, getting rid of some of the nice stuff that had been sitting in my wardrobe since I put on weight, and getting back some funkier stuff in my size.

But a good hair-do is pricey, so I've had to wait patiently! It's so hard to wait when you know you're ready for change. Lucky for me Mother's Day and my birthday rolled around recently and I scored a voucher and some cash. Boo-ya! Off to the hair dressers for me!

So I spent the day in the salon getting my hair cut and coloured- blonde, orange, and purple. It looks completely crazy, very cool, and not in the least bit boring. And I feel great about it.

I can look at myself and feel like I look like the person on the outside that I want to feel like on the inside- fun, confident, fashionable. Someone with self respect. And that brings me that little bit closer to having self respect.

I hadn't been home that long this afternoon when I had an unexpected knock at the door. It was a social worker from CYFS- (New Zealand's version of Child Protection Services). She was coming to check that things were going ok since I cam home from hospital, and that my daughter was safe and well. That's a positive thing. I'm glad that they're making sure my child is ok. But it's still CYFS, and that's still a little unnerving.  Having an official person coming to check that you're being a safe, loving parent is pretty scary.

But I think the visit went well. She said that she can tell from watching Anastasia is a very emotionally secure child, and that lets her know we show her a lot of love and caring. And she told me again that she thinks I'm a great mother. I'm just unwell right now. And I did the right thing by calling them that day a few weeks ago to get help. Yes, I reported myself as a bad parent.

More about that next post.


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